tw: alcohol, depression, panic attacks, eating disorder
Notes from 25 year-old Hanna to 20 year-old broken, lost Hanna:
- Your dream job will end up being something you never imagined. If you’re currently conflicted, say “yes” to the offer. It is a blessing in disguise. That phone call will change your life for the better.
- Be vocal about your dreams and goals. They will come true.
- You will continue traveling the world. Pack lightly. Take in every moment. Clif bars will be your best friend. Also, make local friends.
- Hard work and the long hours of studying will pay off. Really.
- You won't have a 9-5 job or always have the weekends off, which I think you already know fits your personality. You’re going to get shit for not having a “conventional” schedule. But, you’ll meet so many people along the way who will still hang out with you on that schedule. Also, night shift is not bad as everyone will make it sound.
- Your insomnia will get better. You will learn to sleep better and to feel rested.
- The world will change 180 degrees, but stay strong. You will get through it.
- You will experience what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like, but you will still fall into the trap of many unhealthy ones. Believe in your gut feelings. And fall in love with yourself first.
- Your relationship with food will become better. You will learn that eating three meals a day will actually make your body happy, and that junk food will not take over your body immediately. Liquids and protein shakes won't physically fill you up.
- You will stop going to sleep every night crying. You will start finding things to look forward to, not just the morning after you wake up, but months in advance
- Your panic attacks will stop happening every day, and they won't trap you anymore. And if they happen, they won’t be as painful or as long.
- You are going to be able to feel emotions, even when you are not drunk. You will start to find confidence with yourself even without alcohol. There will be people that will hit you up, not just to drink, but to hang out with even in the bright daylight. And you will learn, unfortunately, the hard way, that drinking will NEVER cure the pain you’re currently feeling.
- You will still feel lonely and lost at times—actually, many times—but it won't be the same feeling as what you experienced in your apartment bedroom. you will battle with the process of healing, but I promise. The world gets better.