tw: alcohol; arguing
“WHY DID YOU LET THEM FLIRT WITH YOU, AGAIN!?”
I winced at your shouting. Words running through every inch of my spine.
I was letting this conversation happen yet again for the third time this week.
“THEY WERE TOUCHING YOU AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN PULL BACK!”
I shook my head, not only to deny your claims, but because I was tired of it all.
During the short time I knew of you, I quickly realized
that liquid demons liked to play with your insecurities,
pushing you to spit out words you never even thought of saying when you were sober.
I took a deep breath and reached over to touch you,
your soft, black hair that was a mess now
and your slightly tinted cheeks had a tear running down.
My heart ached for the pain that I knew you were battling
but I didn’t know how to find my way towards your heart.
I was young, lost, and insecure too.
.
I held your shaking hands and brought them to my lips.
I closed my eyes and repeated the same words yet again for the third time this week.
“What are we really, babe? I’d be yours if you asked. That’s all it is.”
I saw you suck your breath in and look down at our feet, a few inches apart.
You were shuffling in place and mumbling words.
I gently let go of your hands, watching them limply return to your sides.
.
I gathered all the confidence in my dry, empty heart to look up into your eyes.
Those dark eyes that held the galaxy and more
The little birthmark on the corner of your right eye that looked like a little crater
and the long, beautiful eyelashes that were now damp
My voice was barely a whisper, but echoed in the tiny studio bedroom
“I like you a lot. I’d be yours if you asked. I’ll drop everything else to be with you.”
You cleared your throat, to get rid of a lump or to clear your thoughts, that I would never know.
I continued on.
“I’ll fix my habits. I will be a better person. I…I just want you to tell me to stay.”
You were looking into the distance, the words not reaching your head I assumed -
signifying the end of this topic, and not finding a conclusion yet again.
.
You suddenly turned around and dove for the bed, covering yourself in your blanket,
while I stood there just watching your shaking form.
I quietly gathered my stuff and looked back at the bed that housed you.
Forcing myself to turn away, I opened the door to your room, and quickly closed it behind me.
It wasn’t until the snowflakes danced around my cheeks did I notice
that I too was having tears down my cheeks
.
I would be yours. I would be only yours. All you had to do was say those words.