Can’t a Girl Dream?!

Parrot

She walks past a mansion on Broadway and waves to an old man standing in the driveway with a parrot on his shoulder. Unbeknownst to her, he’s the childless owner of the house and is disgusted by his grasping nieces and nephews. He asks for her name, then leaves her the house and the parrot when he dies.

Duckling

After school one day, her mother gives her a duckling named “Homer,” just like the one she had as a little girl. She carries Homer in her pocket all afternoon. Then her mother hears on the news that ducks carry salmonella and takes Homer back to the pet store. When she pitches a fit, her mother reminds her that at least this Homer didn’t end up as somebody’s dinner.

Cockatoo

One Sunday morning, she runs to the family room and finds a big cardboard box under a sparkly tree. This is surprising because it’s not Christmas. She opens the box and a cockatoo pops out. She names the bird “Ricochet.”

Parakeet

After school one day, her mother gives her a green parakeet named “Otis,” just like the one she had as a little girl. She lets Otis out of the cage to see if he’ll follow her around. Otis does not follow her around. Instead, he flies into her parents’ bedroom and shits all over the drapes. Her mother takes Otis back to the pet store.

Pony

She rides a swayback pony named “Clorox” at the San Mateo County Fair, and when she gets home she asks her parents for a horse. Her parents don’t tell her she’s greedy and unrealistic, and does she have any idea what a horse costs? Instead, they drive her to a barn in Woodside. Inside one of the stalls is a swayback pony. “Surprise,” says her mother. She names the pony “Ricochet.”

Toucan

On her way to school, one of the many voices in her head tells her to stop at the bodega and buy a Megabucks ticket with her lunch money. At 5:00, the lottery is called and she wins a kajillion dollars. At dinner, she surprises her parents with the news and they agree that now she can afford a Toucan.

Crows

She reads in the paper that crows are brilliant and attracted to special human beings. She starts feeding them at Alta Plaza Park a few days a week. Soon, crows gather above her head whenever she enters the park. “It’s called a ‘murder’ when they do that,” a park ranger tells her. She thinks this is an unfortunate word for her new friends, and knows if they murder anyone it won’t be her.

Parrot

When the rich man on Broadway’s will is finally read, his nieces and nephews threaten to sue her for undue influence. She refuses to be intimidated, and moves into the mansion with her new parrot. She doesn’t install a Ring Alarm system, because the crows are handling security.

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