15+ Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who Quit Drinking - Social Ornament
"Go on, just have one!"
When someone says they don’t drink, many people misunderstand and think it means they don’t want to drink on that particular day. Being sober doesn’t work like that! There’s no point continuing to convince someone who has quit drinking to have “just one” drink – the answer will always be no.
"That's so boring"
Calling someone boring or uncool for not drinking isn’t going to achieve anything. Whether you’re trying to employ peer pressure tactics to get them to join in, or are just being plain mean, don't expect them to suddenly change their mind and order five shots out of the blue!
"I have a friend that's in recovery"
If a person doesn’t drink because they’re in recovery, continuing to raise the topic and trying to relate it back to you won’t help. While you might mean well, most people prefer to stay private about their journey. That doesn’t mean you can’t still support them, though. Simply saying, “you’re not alone” is less invasive while still being comforting.
"Why don't you drink?"
This question is often asked innocently rather than maliciously, but it can be too invasive if you don’t know someone very well. It can come across as accusatory or like an interrogation, which is the last thing a sober person wants in an informal social setting.
“You’re so different now”
Yes, they probably act a little differently now but try not to take it too personally. For one thing, they’ll undoubtedly be in better physical health since quitting drinking, which you can hardly argue with. And remember – underneath it all, they’re still the same person they were before.
"You must be judging me right now"
Many people almost feel threatened around people who have quit drinking. Rather than letting them get on with things, don’t use the topic of their sobriety to shine a light on your own insecurities. Chances are they’re not judging you at all (rather, it’s the other way round)!
"Don't be so uptight"
You might think that someone is uptight for not drinking, but everyone has their own reasons for quitting, and being highly-strung probably isn’t one of them. Just because someone chooses not to drink alcohol, that doesn’t mean they don’t know how to relax or have fun!
"Don't you feel like you're missing out?"
You might be genuinely curious but refrain from asking nosy questions like this if you don’t know the person very well. You don’t know what their reasons are for not drinking so it might feel too personal. Besides, you can bet that they definitely won’t feel like they’re missing out on a giant hangover the next day.
"You must be having an awful time"
Try to avoid saying this to a sober person in social settings like parties. It’s possible to get involved and have a good time without drinking. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to re-evaluate their social life. Also, if someone really hated being somewhere, they would just leave!
“Do you really think you can do this?”
Another thing you should never do is doubt someone’s ability to quit drinking or joke that they’ll be back to drinking soon. If they have indeed tried and failed before, it will come across as hurtful. They are, of course, also more likely to fall off the wagon if they’re lacking support from the people around them.
"I'll get you a drink"
You might have genuinely forgotten that they don’t drink, which is fine. But if you’re saying this to purposely cause an obstruction, it can come across as immature and pushy. Respect that people can make their own decisions and save yourself money at the same time.
"But you're so fun when you're drunk!"
This is a common phrase that recently sober people might hear. While you might view their drunkenness as a source of entertainment, it’s unlikely that they feel the same. It’s also just offensive to imply that they’re not any fun unless they have a drink!
"Why did you quit drinking? You weren’t that bad before”
If the person you’re speaking to quit drinking because they were genuinely worried about their alcohol intake, this can be a risky thing to say. Firstly, it’s likely that they went to great lengths to hide the extent of their problem, so you probably weren’t aware. Secondly, saying something like this might encourage them to rethink their decision and fall back into a dangerous habit.
"What do you do if you don't drink?"
Don’t be one of those people who acts like it’s the end of the world when there’s no alcohol involved. Those who choose not to drink can still attend parties, visit restaurants, go on vacations, and so on. The only difference is that they don’t drink! Don’t assume that they’re incapable of enjoying their lives.
"Are you scared of getting drunk?"
This question can also be perceived as rude, especially if it’s asked in a condescending manner. Rather than being afraid, many people simply have no interest in drinking. It wreaks havoc on your body, for one thing. And even if they were scared, it’s none of your business.
"Your life must be dull"
However you look at it, this comment is just downright rude. Life doesn’t have to be boring just because alcohol isn’t a part of it. In fact, not drinking actually frees up much more time and money to pursue other, more exciting interests! It also feels pretty good to get up and go without being weighed down by a hangover.
"It's hard to relate to your new lifestyle"
It’s good to be honest about your feelings but try not to make the whole situation about yourself. Your sober friend might have different priorities now, and it might feel strange, but you can still try to find common interests that don’t involve alcohol. Try to see things from their perspective as well – they didn’t stop drinking to deliberately sabotage your relationship.
"You think you're better than us!"
Whatever the reason for someone quitting drinking, you can bet it’s not because they want to feel superior to other people. In social situations, they’re probably feeling more insecure about themselves than you realize. That means it’s unlikely that they’re judging you for choosing to have a drink.
"Sorry we didn’t invite you, we didn’t think you’d want to come”
A comment like this can come across as rather dismissive and rude to someone who doesn’t drink. Not only that, but it’s a little presumptuous. While some non-drinkers might feel uncomfortable in certain social situations, they probably still like to be acknowledged rather than ignored completely.
“I know how you feel”
Avoid saying this phrase unless you genuinely do know how it feels to quit drinking for the same reason. Saying it without thinking can come across like you’re minimizing the person’s experiences and feelings, especially if they’ve quit because they’re an addict. It’s better to simply say you’re there for them.
“You must be against other people who drink”
Again, everyone has their own reasons for becoming sober. Just because someone chooses not to drink, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re completely against alcohol (and people who drink). For many, it’s simply a personal journey – criticizing other people is probably the last thing on their minds.
"I can pay if you want a drink"
You might assume that someone isn’t drinking because they can’t afford it; however, this is usually not the case when it comes to people who have quit drinking long-term. Not only do you make them feel embarrassed by making assumptions about their financial status, but you also get the wrong end of the stick completely.
“It’s my birthday, you have to have a drink!”
While this might be intended as a light-hearted joke, it could be taken the wrong way. Don’t guilt trip someone into having a drink when they don’t want to. It’s highly unlikely that the success of your birthday depends on this one person having a drink! Instead, be grateful that they turned up to celebrate your birthday at all.
“I don’t normally drink so much”
You don’t need to justify yourself to someone who doesn’t drink! They’re really not judging you. If you want to kick back or celebrate with drinks, you’re perfectly entitled to do so. Sober people rarely expect other people to abstain from drinking just because that’s what they’ve chosen to do themselves.
“But you don’t look like an alcoholic”
This is probably intended as a compliment, but you should never say it! When you say this, you're suggesting that people with an alcohol addiction all look a specific way. Additionally, not everyone who quits drinking does it because they’re an alcoholic – try not to make snap judgements.
“It’s a shame I don’t see you around anymore”
Many people who quit drinking prefer to remove themselves from social situations where they might be tempted to have a drink. If you’re used to seeing them in environments like bars and parties, it’s natural to miss socializing with them. However, know that their decision is personal to them, and they aren’t deliberately trying to avoid you.
“Having one drink won’t do any harm”
This phrase is a no-no if you don’t know why a person quit drinking in the first place. If they are in recovery, for example, it could be dangerous. For some people, having just one drink isn’t possible. It’s therefore best to leave someone be if they say they don’t drink.
“Don’t you want to join in?”
This is a tricky comment to say to someone who has quit drinking. By saying this, you’re implying that they’re not part of the group because they’re not having a drink. Instead, they probably just want to be included regardless of whether they’re drinking or not.
"It's Christmas! Why don’t you treat yourself to a drink?"
Christmas is indeed a common time to indulge, but unfortunately, it’s not that simple for people who have quit drinking (especially recovering addicts). Many people quit because they have an issue with stopping at just one drink. That’s why it’s a sensible idea to simply respect someone’s decision when they say they don’t want an alcoholic drink.
"Are you just never going to drink again?”
This is a question that can sound somewhat accusatory. More often than not, the person in question won’t exactly know how to answer it either. It can be a private and complex topic, especially if someone is recovering from addiction. In social situations, it may be smarter to keep things light-hearted instead of prying into people’s personal business.
“Is it because you’re religious?”
This is an invasive question, especially if you’re meeting someone for the first time. Religion is a private matter and a topic which should generally be avoided, much like politics. It’s also a little rude to assume that someone doesn’t drink because of their religion.
“I don’t know how you do it”
You might say this intending it to be a compliment, but it might be interpreted the wrong way. For example, they might think you’re implying that their life must be boring and unbearable because they don’t drink. It’s similarly annoying to say things like, “Oh, I could never do that.”
“Did something bad happen to make you quit?”
Again, this can be a personal and sensitive topic that is best avoided. If someone elects to share this information with you, feel free to engage and support them, but it’s not recommended to raise the subject first. It could bring up bad memories that they’d rather not discuss.
“How long have you been sober?”
This can be a delicate question, especially if the person you’re talking to is struggling with alcohol addiction. While you might think nothing of asking, it may come across invasive to them, resulting in awkwardness. Many non-drinkers prefer to just take things one day at a time.
“Can’t you just cut down instead of quitting?”
If cutting down was an option for them, they’d probably already be doing that! One of the worst things you can do is act like you know better than someone who’s quit drinking. Everyone is different – if abstaining from alcohol altogether works for them, it’s best to just leave them to it.
“Oh, I’m so sorry for you”
Whatever you do, don’t express pity when someone tells you that they don’t drink. You also want to avoid apologizing profusely. This could result in them feeling patronized or judged negatively. Even if you are sorry for them, just keep it to yourself! Instead, try expressing support or simply respect their decision.
“You must have a lot of willpower”
A common misconception is that willpower is the driving force behind quitting drinking, but the truth is that the process is much more complex. Instead, it’s about learning to recognize triggers that can set off the desire for alcohol. It’s not simply forcing yourself not to drink; it’s a complete rewiring of old thought processes.
"Live a little!"
Believe it or not, drinking alcohol isn’t the only way to feel alive! This goes back to the idea that quitting drinking means that you’re uptight and don’t know how to have fun. Conversely, many sober people still have a sense of humor and are keen to mingle in group settings.
“What’s it like to quit drinking? How has it been?”
You might be curious and interested, but believe it or not, many non-drinkers don’t want to talk about their sobriety all day long. They probably have a ton of other interests and passions that they’d rather be discussing. It’s therefore best to avoid incessant questioning – if they want to talk about it further, they will.
“You should try X”
Trying to give unsolicited advice is one of the worst things you can do. It’s probably not easy for them to open up to you about the challenges of quitting drinking, so refrain from offering your opinion. This is especially true if you’re not qualified to do so. Instead, simply listen what they have to say and offer your support where appropriate.