The first lady uses Post-it notes for holiday dinner assignments. ‘Everybody loves it,’ she told The Messenger

First Lady Jill Biden delivers remarks during the unveiling of the 2023 White House Holiday decor, in the Grand Foyer of the White House in Washington, DC, on November 27, 2023.

By Nicole Gaudiano

Plenty of experts have tips for managing friction during the holidays but I’ve been looking for ways to better manage kindness.

I always appreciate the question, "What can I do to help?” But answering it can be tough when you’re reading a recipe, counting or just trying not to burn yourself while cooking a big holiday meal.

First Lady Jill Biden gets this. “By the time you've explained, ‘You get the salad bowl out, it's in this cupboard, here are the utensils, etc.’” she told Real Simple magazine in an interview last year.

She thought there had to be an easier way, and I was intrigued by her solution.

“I do Post-it notes, like ‘Fill the glasses with ice,’ ‘Light the candles,’ and I put them on the cabinet above my kitchen counter,” she said during the interview. “Then I put out the salad bowl with the tomatoes or the lemons or whatever needs to be cut, and everything is set up so when somebody comes in, they do what they want to do.”

I loved the idea of distributing tasks among family members – without ever having to say a word. So I tried it for a holiday gathering, Thanksgiving, posting every job that would be helpful on an “assignment wall.”

My mother – aka “Nonna” – sized up my array of little blue notes, divided by the day. “That’s a hoot!” she said, smiling.

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As a Public Service Announcement for anyone hosting holiday parties or meals, I’d like to share one of the biggest benefits of this clever idea: It immediately lightened my mental load. All those tasks — “cut veggies,” “bring up extra table,” “vacuum” — were stuck on my wall, not in my head.

In responses to questions from The Messenger, Jill Biden acknowledged this effect. “The ‘mental load’ of motherhood and hosting is real (and can be exhausting), so this post-it ‘hack’ for me is the easiest way to keep everyone organized…,” said Biden, who teaches at Northern Virginia Community College in addition to her duties as first lady.

“Almost anything” lends itself to the Post-it treatment, Biden said, but it works best for filling glasses, chopping salad ingredients, slicing lemons or limes or lighting candles.

She tries to make a range of Post-it tasks for all ages and cooking experience, she told The Messenger. “Everybody loves it – and sometimes people have a favorite task, so they run to get their favorite post-it first!”

For some (as in, not all) of my family members, this technique worked well. After running a 5K with the family, I was not at a point in my life when I felt like washing a turkey tin.

My mind-reading sister-in-law stepped in. “I’m going to do a task,” she said, grabbing the tin and ripping the Post-it from the wall.

This is the way Jill Biden said it would work.

“Nobody's asking, ‘What shape do you want the lemons?’” she told Real Simple. “Everybody knows their role.”

My sister-in-law was fully on board with the Post-it program. When I asked her to salvage the broccoli casserole that I botched, she noticed I had no Post-it for this task. So she made one.

Our husbands get gold stars, as well, for carrying out multiple Post-it assignments – no questions asked.

But while these A+ holiday helpers stuck to the playbook, Nonna, who I love dearly, went rogue.

“Everybody knows their role,” Jill Biden said – without knowing Nonna.

The Post-it was no match for her independent spirit. Picture the well-meaning freelancer, who tried to be helpful by washing the clothes – which was so nice – except that they were already clean. The type who thought the Post-its were a “hoot” and then tried to figure out which tasks I neglected to include.

“Can I take the garbage bins down to the curb?” she asked.

“Is it on the assignment wall?” I responded.

The type of overachiever who can’t sit still and is constantly working or cleaning.

“Do you need an adult coloring book?” my sister-in-law asked her.

Another issue is that I am my mother’s daughter. Jill Biden told Real Simple, “I do the main. Everything else is up for grabs.” But I couldn’t help it. I took some of the Post-its and did them myself.

Still, the idea, overall, is a winner, and I can understand why Jill Biden uses Post-its in her daily life — for her to-do list at work or for posting inspirational messages for her husband Joe on the bathroom mirror.

“I’m a list-maker,” she said. “I always have been.”

I started to equate this solution with the Windex answer to everything from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” When my temperamental bathroom sink was baffling visitors with a loud noise, I laid out operational instructions – on a Post-it.

Next time I host, I may toss in some prizes to get more buy-in.

I certainly will invest in more Post-it notes. And maybe one adult coloring book.

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I Tried Jill Biden’s Post-It Holiday Hack. Here’s What Worked and What Didn’t