Hooters announced that it would be closing dozens of stores nationwide as part of a bankruptcy restructuring plan, as their customer base has shrunk due to the younger generation of men preferring to ogle less commercialized titties.

SAN FRANCISCO – Around lunchtime on Friday, Jordan Greggs received a cryptic calendar invite from his boss scheduled for 4:30 PM that is now blocking…

I’ve really been missing hangouts with by best friend ever since she had her baby. It’s been nearly impossible for us to find time to get together, but luckily last week she finally invited me over to meet him.

CLEVELAND – After learning that looking directly at the sun during a solar eclipse could blind him, Tyler Dennison made a conscious decision to skip…

JERUSALEM — An updated version of Jesus has been re-released after only three days, but many followers are unhappy with the lack of physical media,…

Brett Wilson, one of millions of uninsured Americans, became concerned that he may not be able to get a duet from a licensed doctor with medical advice now that the House of Representatives voted to ban TikTok earlier today.

ARLINGTON, Va — After weeks of reported malfunctions and passenger injuries, Boeing responded to customer concerns by reminding the community that its planes are still…

MILWAUKEE — After only two months of exclusively dating AI women, Travis Anderson revealed to reporters today that he already has 3 .exe girlfriends. Anderson…

American novelist George R.R. Martin admitted that his highly anticipated book “The Winds of Winter” was once again delayed due to the fact he spent the last month writing 8,000 letters to Harry Styles.

I never thought I was the type of person to fall for a scam. I had been sitting at the Helldivers 2 loading screen for…

CINCINNATI – Prospective home buyers were shocked to discover during an open house that the sellers had not previously disclosed the primary en suite bathroom…

This is the loneliest day of my life! I got a very heavy package delivered today. Don’t believe me? It had, not one, but two “Heavy” stickers stuck to the box.

Injury-prone.

This helpful guide will provide you with an easy workout you can do right now, in your home, with the heaviest thing you have available -- the crushing weight of your own existence. No equipment necessary!

About time!

Local mallard Ruddy assured his girlfriend that his odd corkscrew-shaped penis is what all duck phalluses look like.

Kids these days, with their instant gratification and endless choices, will never know the true struggle of gaming in an era where variety was a…

GENT, BELGIUM – Larian Studios announced today that a new 50GB patch is available for their smash hit Baldur’s Gate 3 — adding only a…

Local woman Jenna Morris was thrilled to discover that her Spotify Wrapped did not contain any traces of Bo Burnham’s “Inside” this year and immediately wanted to share the information with her therapist.