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DEAR DEIDRE: OF course I moved to the other side of the country when the most amazing man I’d been dating asked me.

Obviously, I handed in my notice on a job I loved, left my flat that I adored, and promised my parents I’d visit them at Christmas.

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This was love. Until it was hate and loathing.

Two months after moving to Edinburgh for my ‘perfect man’, my world derailed when I found out his devastating secret.

We’d met on a night out in London, my home, and instantly hit it off. I loved his accent and confidence, so when he asked me on a date the following week, I readily agreed.

He explained he visited London regularly for work and asked if he could see me again.

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We’d meet up whenever he was down and always ended up at my flat or his hotel.

The sex was incredible, and he even joked that he’d need to get a work transfer because he couldn’t get enough of me.

Over the months, we enjoyed the best London had to offer: trendy bars, brilliant restaurants and incredible shows.

He even managed to tag on a few weekend stays to the end of a working stint.

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We were both falling for each other, and then he told me his work wouldn’t transfer him to London. He suggested, I think, about moving to Scotland, which I felt excited about.

We agreed we wouldn’t move in together straight away, I’d get my own place, to give me a chance to make my own life.

He’d come and visit me regularly and had his own shelf in the bathroom and drawer in my wardrobe.

There were times when it felt like we were living together. Although, of course, he still needed to travel away a lot for work, so I was on my own quite often.

Dear Deidre: Spotting the signs your partner is cheating

Deidre's Take

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But I told myself to throw myself into my new life. I joined a gym, a hockey club and found a new job. I was happy.

Then, he seemed to be away from work for longer periods of time than ever. He’d told me his house was being renovated, so I couldn’t visit. He wanted me to see it once it was completely finished.

I was lonely and couldn’t shake off an uneasy feeling, so I decided to download a location app to see where he was travelling.

When he was wallowing in the bath, I sent the invitation text to his mobile, then logged onto his phone to accept the invitation.

I was stunned to discover that he already had the app, and when I opened it, I saw three little dots, nestled under the heading of ‘family’.

Each dot held a photo; there were two teenage girls and an unfamiliar woman smiling back at me.

I nearly threw up.

When he emerged from the bath, he knew straight away from my face what I’d discovered; he apologised, said he wanted to tell me, but didn’t know how.

I threw him out. I feel like such an idiot. How can I go home after this humiliation, or stay where every corner reminds me of him?

Dear Deidre’s Double Lives

From secret affairs to hidden addictions, double lives regularly surface in Deidre’s inbox.

One woman is involved in an intense affair with her child’s teacher, torn between the passion of the secret romance and maintaining her family life.

CHEATING AND WHY IT HAPPENS

Around one in five British adults admit to having had an affair. And of the men who admit to being unfaithful, almost half are repeat cheaters.

Despite 57 per cent of the public believing extra-marital sex is “always wrong,” infidelity remains one of the most common reasons marriages and long-term relationships collapse.

People rarely cheat for just one reason, it’s usually a mix of unmet needs, opportunity, and emotional disconnection.

1. Emotional neglect
When communication breaks down or someone feels unseen, they may seek validation and intimacy elsewhere.

2. Sexual boredom
Routine can dull desire. New experiences, flirting, or forbidden sex can reignite excitement and create an intoxicating rush.

3. Opportunity
Work trips, alcohol, dating apps, and online messaging make cheating easier and more tempting than ever.

4. Low self-esteem
Being desired by someone new can provide a short-term confidence boost, even when it risks long-term damage.

5. Revenge or resentment
Some affairs start as a way of regaining control or retaliating after feeling rejected or hurt.

6. Addiction and impulse
For a minority, infidelity stems from compulsive sexual behaviour or poor impulse control rather than intent.

Ask me and my counsellors anything

Every problem get a personal and private reply from one of my trained counsellors within one working day.

Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women’s issues and general features.

Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week.

Sally took over as The Sun’s Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago.

The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes:

Kate Taylor: a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books.

Jane Allton: a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies.

Catherine Thomas: with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues.

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I gave up everything and moved hundreds of miles away for my perfect boyfriend, only to discover his...