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DEAR DEIDRE: MY older brother and I have always been competitive but I’m dreading the day when he finds out that I’m dating the woman he’s always had a thing for.

He’s going to go mad.

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They did get together a couple of years ago but it didn’t last and when she finished it, he was absolutely gutted.

She is from the village where we grew up and ever since he was a teenager, he’s been totally smitten with her.

He moped around for months after their split.

We’re both in our mid 20s now and I hadn’t seen her for a couple of years until last summer.

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She was drinking with some friends in the local beer garden.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her and when she spotted me I felt a little jolt of excitement.

I felt bad about asking her out a few days later but the attraction between us was too intense to ignore.

Once we were on our own we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Sex with her is incredible.

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That was nearly five months ago and we’ve been sneaking around ever since.

She’s an amazing woman and I want to show her off to everyone but of course I know it’s going to cause big problems in my family.

Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy

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I’ve told my mum in confidence about us and she says I should end it, or my relationship with my brother will never recover.

What do you think?

I’m not ready to propose or anything, but I do really like her and see a future together. Why should I end it just to save my brother’s pride?

Dear Deidre’s Past Problems

From long-buried flings to risky dalliances, secrets from the past regularly surface in Deidre’s inbox.

One woman is haunted by a previous affair and lives in fear that it could destroy her current marriage if it ever comes out.

RELATIONSHIP NUMBER-CRUNCHING

According to a 2023 YouGov survey, the average number of lifetime sexual partners cited by men in Britain is around five, while women report around three.
The UK’s largest sexual-behaviour study, Natsal-3, found that adults aged 16-44 report an average of 11-12 opposite-sex partners across their lifetime – a mix of casual and long-term relationships.
A Match.com study found that the average Brit meets their lifelong partner at age 27, with women typically meeting them slightly earlier than men.
Long-term marriage data from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) estimates that 42 per cent of marriages in England and Wales will end in divorce based on current trends.
More data from ONS notes that the average marriage lasts around 30 years when accounting for all endings (including death), while marriages that end in divorce typically last around 12.9 years for opposite-sex couples.

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Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, and has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years experience writing and editing stories about women’s issues and general features.

Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week.

Sally took over as The Sun’s Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago.

The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes:

Kate Taylor: a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for the dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books.

Jane Allton: a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies.

Catherine Thomas: with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues.

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