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DEAR DEIDRE: MY friends were so jealous when I landed the best job as a live-in nanny for a wealthy family in London.

After all, I have my own car, my own apartment at the top of the house, and I get plenty of time off. But now I’m worried I’ve ruined it all by starting an affair with the mum.

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We got together one weekend night when her husband was out on one of his boozy client dinners and the children were tucked up in bed.

I’d always admired her – she’s a high-flying lawyer, is running a home, and somehow she always manages to look immaculate.

She is also great fun, whereas her husband is a lot more serious.

At first, I thought our encounter would be a one-off off but the next time her husband went away for work, she went out of her way to ensure I’d be at home and cooked us a nice meal with plenty of red wine on the side.

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Again, we ended up in my bed having the most incredible sex.

I’m gay, and she told me I was her first female encounter. However, I suspect she’s been with other women, because she was so at ease with me.

She’s never admitted to anyone, let alone her husband, that she is bisexual.

Everything felt so exciting to begin with, but the guilt of what we’re doing is beginning to overwhelm me.

Dear Deidre’s Infidelity Issues

From hidden flings to messy betrayals, cheating stories regularly appear in Deidre’s inbox.

One woman is involved in an intense affair with her child’s teacher, torn between the passion of a secret romance and maintaining her family life.

HOW TO BACK OUT OF AN AFFAIR

Ending an affair can feel harder than it should. What starts as excitement and escape often turns into anxiety, guilt and secrecy.

1. Accept it has to end
Acknowledge that no matter how intense it feels, the affair is built on deception. Continuing only deepens the emotional fallout for everyone involved.

2. Cut contact clearly
Don’t drift away, be firm. End it in person or by message, but make your boundaries unmistakable. Staying “friends” or checking in will only risk pulling you back in.

3. Be prepared for withdrawal
Affairs can be addictive. Expect a crash once the fantasy and thrill disappears. Lean on friends or a counsellor instead of the person you’re leaving behind.

4. Tell the truth, carefully
If you’re in a relationship, decide whether to be honest with your partner. Transparency can help rebuild trust, but choose a time and setting that’s safe for both of you.

5. Reflect on why it happened
Look at what led you there – boredom, resentment, validation, or emotional neglect – and address those issues before they repeat.

6. Rebuild your integrity
Commit to honesty going forward. Whether you stay in your current relationship or not, owning your choices is key to healing and change.

Ask me and my counsellors anything

Every problem get a personal and private reply from one of my trained counsellors within one working day.

Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women’s issues and general features.

Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week.

Sally took over as The Sun’s Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago.

The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes:

Kate Taylor: a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books.

Jane Allton: a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies.

Catherine Thomas: with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues.

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I landed perfect live-in nanny job but now I’m having secret affair with boss’ wife – sex is so hot I can’t...