A surprised man and woman in bed with "Dear Deirdre After Dark" overlay.

Illustration of "Dear Deidre After Dark" text with hands pulling back a curtain.

DEAR DEIDRE: MY new boyfriend’s best friend is lovely and makes such an effort with me.

I quietly judge new partners by the people they choose to surround themselves with.

Sign up for The Sun newsletter

Thank you!

Email address

Please provide a valid email.

Your info will be used in accordance with our Privacy Policy

You'll now receive top stories, breaking news, and more, straight to your email.

So this was all a very good sign in my book, right up until the point when my boyfriend asked if I’d be up for trying something new.

Now I feel so weirded out and am second guessing everything.

We’ve been together for seven months and I had absolutely no complaints.

We have even started talking about moving in together which I was up for but now my head is totally scrambled by my boyfriend’s request.

I was so unsettled that I asked for a break. He didn’t seem to appreciate what his question meant to me, but did agree to give me space and wait until I got back in touch .

Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre

Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm.

In Live Chat Hours:
On your desktop, please click the ‘live chat with us’ button below.
On the The Sun app, click here.

Out of Live Chat Hours and at any time you can contact us:
Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
Or send a confidential form here.
DM us on Instagram: @Dear Deidre
DM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial

It’s been ten days now and I’m still no closer to deciding whether I can give us another go, or not.

On one hand he is considerate, clever, and we have such good talks but now I’m doubting everything.

One night after we’d had sex, he rolled over to face me and said that I was the sexiest woman he’s ever dated. He then went on to say that he wanted to introduce me to new and exciting experiences.

Dear Deidre’s Cuckolding Confessions

From surprising desires to relationship-shaking revelations, cuckolding dilemmas frequently appear in Deidre’s inbox.

One man admitted that watching his girlfriend have sex with other men turns him on more than anything else, leaving him confused about what it means for their future together.

Another reader revealed that his cuckold thrill has spiralled into financial chaos, as chasing the fantasy pushed him into spending far beyond his means.

And a third man confessed he developed a cuckold fetish after discovering his girlfriend’s infidelity.

CUCKOLDING - WHAT IS IT & WHY DOES IT APPEAL?

Cuckolding - where one person becomes aroused by watching their partner having sex with someone else - is far more complex than a simple kink.

At its core, cuckolding blends jealousy with arousal, emotions that traditionally clash.

For many, the excitement comes from safely dipping into feelings they usually avoid: fear of loss, vulnerability, or being “less desired”.

Turning these anxieties into fuel rather than threat can create an intense erotic charge.

Why it appeals

Power exchange: Some enjoy the emotional surrender of willingly giving up control and accepting a submissive role.
Validation loop: Others get turned on by the idea that their partner is so desirable that others want them.
Voyeurism: Watching a partner’s pleasure from the outside can amplify intimacy for some, tapping into a voyeuristic instinct.
Taboo transgression: Breaking the ultimate relationship rule of exclusivity can heighten arousal precisely because it feels forbidden.

The emotional reality

Successful cuckolding relies on unusually strong communication and trust.

Both partners need to be emotionally secure, able to separate fantasy from genuine threat, and able to reassure each other before and after.

Without this, the dynamic can quickly turn painful.

Potential pitfalls

Cuckolding can intensify underlying insecurities if one partner feels pushed, replaced or humiliated in ways they didn’t agree to.

Emotional drift, jealousy that stops being erotic, and real resentment can emerge if boundaries aren’t tightly managed.

For the “performing” partner, pressure to entertain or fulfil the fantasy can also become exhausting or confusing.

The cultural shift

Social media, porn and wider discussions about non-monogamy have brought cuckolding out of the shadows.

For some couples, it’s a form of consensual erotic power play. For others, it sits uncomfortably close to emotional betrayal.

Ask me and my counsellors anything

Every problem get a personal and private reply from one of my trained counsellors within one working day.

Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women’s issues and general features.

Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week.

Sally took over as The Sun’s Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago.

The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes:

Kate Taylor: a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books.

Jane Allton: a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies.

Catherine Thomas: with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues.

Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:

Home

I thought my boyfriend was the one… but then he asked me to have sex with his best mate – should I stay wit...