Writing on living a deliberate life, focused on building businesses rather than cabins by ponds. Content about strategy, life, and philosophy all building to being more deliberate and living a more amazing life.

It’s a 4,000-year-old curse.

Happy New Year! Did you know that half of Americans make resolutions, and most don’t last a week?

It was the Babylonians who started with the whole resolution nonsense, 4,000 years ago. They probably also started the tradition of New Year’s revelry, though they celebrated for a full 12 days. (Which begs the question: did they have portable toilets or was it a Times Square thing where you have to hold it?)

Given that they had nearly two weeks to fill, and reaffirming loyalty to their king only took so long, they had to come up with something. To fill the gap, they started making promises to one another to repay debts and give back all the stuff they borrowed. If they kept their word, their gods would favor them, if they didn’t, well, you might face the wrath of Nabu, the god of writing.

Fortunately, trolling someone was a lot slower with clay tablets. Maybe that’s why they needed 12 days, time for the mean memes to get around the neighborhood?

Discussions about Nabu’s wrath aside, there is one thing we know about the Babylonians: they were human. It’s weird to think about, but they were exactly like us, sans iPhones of course, but they went through exactly the same cycles: birth, death, love, hate, loving kids, wishing they’d listen, shaking their heads at grandpa who tsked that it was completely unnecessary to use a horse instead of a donkey to pull a carriage.

Who needs to go that fast?

Slow down. Live a little.

The point is, there’s no way they kept resolutions any better than we do. Only 8% of those who make resolutions stick with them in any meaningful way. Most of them end within a week. Maybe after a 12-day celebration, they’d maintain the illusion a month or so… but over time they’d fall off the wagon as surely as anyone else.

And yet, year after year, resolutions loom over us with all their morale-destroying power.

So I’m not doing it. It’s just setting myself up for failure. Instead, I’m starting with acceptance. In truth, this also requires a bit of effort, but you can always keep trying.

I’ve believed I’ve been “living in the present moment,” for years. I’ve noticed everything that I want to change about it. I’ve seen the weaknesses, the stress, and unhappiness, the shame I carry, and I’ve pushed it all away to be “present,” to appreciate the moment the way I should.

So, imagine my surprise when my therapist pointed out that it is the pushing it all away part that is the problem. That’s what’s taking me out of the present moment.

And it isn’t just bad stuff. I realized that I struggle to enjoy pleasurable moments because I’m judging those too. I’ve revealed a fear of pleasure, and that really sucks, you should at least enjoy the fun parts, right? (<- notice the should… sigh. Two steps forward, one back).

The thing is that the present is the only time when we can take action. If we want to live differently, or make any changes, we can only act in the present. When we are focused on what should be, and can’t acknowledge what is, then we aren’t living in reality. We can’t possibly take the right actions.

Acceptance removes friction. It allows us to see more accurately, respond instead of react, and regain choice.

I think New Year’s resolutions don’t work because they keep us tied to what should be, they rob us of the present, and the power to choose.

Therefore, I suggest the only resolution we make this year is to accept what is, and break the 4,000-year-old reign of new year failure.

I’ve been compiling some principles of deliberate living. Over the coming months, I’ll be exploring them, one a week, each with a practice you (we) can use. They’re drawn from philosophy, therapy, yoga, smart people, and a lot of trial and error.

Here is the first one:

ACCEPTANCE IS THE FOUNDATION OF DELIBERATE CHANGE.

In the interest of living more fully, practice accepting the present moment exactly as it is—without judgment.

This week, notice where you resist what is.
Notice the judgment that follows.
Gently return to the moment itself. Can you experience every part of it?

Have a great start to the year.

Jeff

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By Jeff Loehr · Launched 9 months ago

Writing on living a deliberate life, focused on building businesses rather than cabins by ponds. Content about strategy, life, and philosophy all building to being more deliberate and living a more amazing life.

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Hopefully, you haven’t made any resolutions.