Disney annual pass holder Snerv Gupplesby

My family and I are typical Disney fans. We vacation at Disney World every year. We take a Disney cruise every year. We ride our thoroughbreds at the Disney Polo Grounds. We rent Cinderella Castle for my daughter’s sleepovers.

However, I’m rethinking our commitment to Disney because, despite it being a company that has produced world-class entertainment bringing joy to billions of people for almost a century, I’ve decided it sucks.

Full disclosure: I’m a hardcore, hardline, far-right, free-market capitalist, and I believe corporations are blessed by God to do whatever they want. But now they’re doing things I don’t like. So who’s in the wrong here? Me, God, or the corporation?

I come to Disney for an immersive experience. Sure, I’m surrounded by thousands of regular people wearing their own clothes, but that doesn’t mean I want Cast Members to wear their own clothes! I didn’t spend thousands of dollars and fly across the country so a black person could wear braids.

I don’t get to express my individuality at my place of business, so why should anyone else? By that logic, some people would be less miserable at their jobs than I am at mine. That sort of fairness leads to socialism.

What’s next? Is Disney going to let foreign Cast Members speak with their natural accent as a form of self-expression? Are they going to let them put their real names on their nametags? Have you seen Turkish names? They have all those weird symbols!

Walt Disney used his company to express his patriotism during World War II. He also used it to create Siamese cats that sing in delightful broken English with a funny accent. And to create topless teenage centaur girls getting their hooves polished by black centaurs. He also smoked three packs a day. Why are we deviating from this vision???

Now, every time I look at the Dumbo ride, I think about politics. Every time I look at Space Mountain, I think about all the times my father could have told me he loved me, but instead went into the garage to paint toy soldiers, and I couldn’t help because I would “ruin it” and I couldn’t play with them because they were “too precious.” Every time I look at Peter Pan’s Flight, I think about running my boss over with my car. All because of politics.

I will have to take my tourist dollars elsewhere, like to Universal. There, I can get a true immersive experience in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling knows what’s up.

Snerv Gupplesby lives in an off-the-grid compound somewhere in Montana.

Jason Ginsburg

I Love Disney, But My Bigoted Privilege is Ruining It for Everyone | Commentary