I feel uncomfortable giving the mixed message that knocking on a stranger's door for sweets is wrong one day, encouraged the next, writes mum-of-two Jacqui Paterson

"From the moment they can walk we warn our children about approaching or talking to people they don’t know or accepting gifts from strangers. So why is it OK to tell our kids on Halloween to forget everything you’ve told them?"(Image: Getty Images)

I have something to say and you’re probably not going to like it: I don’t like trick or treating.

I know what you’re thinking - what’s your problem? Halloween’s a harmless way to brighten up those gloomy autumn evenings. As a girl who was weaned on the slasher movies of the '70s and '80s, I agree… to an extent.

Halloween parties? Bring ‘em on. Spooky fancy dress? The creepier the better. Horror movies? Turn off the lights and press play.

Trick or treating, however? Not a fan.

Halloween, or a local version of it, is celebrated all over the world, but is thought to have its origins in the UK and Ireland, with the Celtic Pagan festival of Samhain. It began as a way to mark the end of the harvest season and usher in the darker winter months, but was also believed to be a day when the dead could cross back to the land of the living.

Bonfires and carved-out turnips were used to scare away unsavoury spirits. Children would dress in costumes to confuse them (called guising), and travel from house to house asking for apple and nuts for their Halloween parties.

When Irish immigrants moved to North America, they took their All Hallow’s Eve (as it had come to be known) traditions with them, where they were eagerly adopted and given a local twist. Pumpkins replaced turnips, and guising became trick or treating.

Halloween has a long history on this side of the pond - but I can't help seeing trick-or-treating as begging

Halloween has a long history on this side of the pond - but I can't help seeing trick-or-treating as begging(Image: Getty)

When I was growing up in New Zealand, we knew a little bit about trick or treating from American television programmes. Then ET came out: who can forget when the world’s favourite alien was disguised as a ghost and smuggled to safety in the swirling crowds of trick or treaters? Suddenly, Halloween seemed like the best day ever! The spooky decorations, the carved pumpkins, wearing cool costumes and collecting bucketloads of sweets. What wasn’t to love?

"Can we go trick or treating?" I begged my mum, but the answer was a resounding "No".

"It's an American tradition," she told me, "We don’t do that here."

"But whyyyyyyyyyy ?" I pouted. "Because it’s no different to begging," she replied, in her ‘this-conversation-is-over’ voice.

At the time, I thought it was the harshest decision ever handed down by a parent. Now I’m a mother myself, I kind of agree with her.

From the moment they can walk we warn our children about approaching or talking to people they don’t know or accepting gifts from strangers. So why is it OK to tell our kids on Halloween to forget everything you’ve told them - they can knock on the doors of dozens of strangers after all! But only for one day, mind, the next day it reverts to being dangerous again and something they should NEVER do…

Obviously, you can argue that there’s usually an adult hovering by the pavement overseeing the exchange, but I still can’t help feeling uncomfortable with the mixed message it could be giving younger children (I won’t be a COMPLETE stick-in-the-mud and also mention the obscene sugar intake in a Halloween bucket…).

Why do we teach kids to avoid strangers on every other day of the year?

Why do we teach kids to avoid strangers on every other day of the year?(Image: shared content unit)

Just like my mum years before, I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of my kids knocking on doors and demanding treats from strangers. I avoided the issue for years, as they were happy handing out sweets to the other kids, but then TikTok and Netflix happened. Suddenly they were bombarded with movies and viral videos and the Spooky Scary Skeletons dance (it’s a thing – look it up) and suddenly, our home-based Halloween nights weren’t enough.

The moment had arrived: "Can we go trick or treating?" they pleaded.

My first reaction was to say no, because my reservations hadn’t gone away, but all the kids from their small village school were going and didn’t want my girls to feel left out. So, we struck a deal – Dad (who didn’t have the same objections as me) could take them to one particular street where many of the school kids lived. The girls knew most of the families and we could guarantee they were trick-or-treat friendly. I wasn’t thrilled, but it was a compromise I could begrudgingly live with.

Mum-of-two Erin Ek Rush, who publishes Yorkshire Tots to Teens, a website full of autumn and Halloween events, couldn’t disagree more with my party-pooping stance. "I love trick or treating," she says. "It's great fun for the kids and I think it always fosters such a nice sense of community."

Coleen Rooney takes kids Trick or Treating with adorable Halloween outfits

She thinks it’s a lovely tradition that brings joy to all involved: "There is something intrinsically pleasing about giving kids treats. My kids are so happy to get them and the kids who come to our door are always so lovely too - it's just all around feel-good."

When she takes her children out on Halloween they only visit homes that are decorated and obviously open to trick or treaters, and she says they’ve only ever had lovely, positive interactions with their neighbours.

"I can understand if people don't want to do it themselves, but I really hate it when people refer to it as begging," Erin says. "Community gift giving is common throughout the world as a part of celebrations and holidays, and I think it's a really fantastic thing to do."

The Halloween juggernaut doesn’t seem to be slowing down, so maybe my opinion will change as this ancient celebration continues to be reclaimed by the UK.

If these last two years have taught us anything, it’s that life’s too short not to take our fun wherever we can find it, so perhaps I just need to chill out and enjoy some frightfully good fun.

Jacqui Paterson is a journalist and mum of two daughters, and blogs at jacquipaterson.com

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'I wouldn't let my daughters go trick-or-treating for Halloween - it's basically begging'