The presents haven't bought themselves, the kids need a nativity outfit each, and I don't have the energy to get the Christmas tree up while thinking about the million and one other things that need doing, writes mum of two Jacqui Paterson

"After last year’s festive non-starter, there’s extra pressure to make this one 'perfect'"(Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

It always creeps up on me at this time of year. One minute I’ve got this life thing sorted, the next I’m running about like a skittish kitten, feeling completely overwhelmed.

For me, it starts when the clocks go back, and the evenings start to draw in. I love the dark evenings, but they tend to short-circuit my body clock. Hibernation mode kicks in and waking up becomes more painful by the day.

While my body is slowing down, however, my calendar is filling up. I’m an introvert, so need lots of time to recharge between social interactions, but the festive seasons waits for no one. On top of all the usual work and family commitments you have present buying, Christmas catch-ups, school fayres, raffle ticket selling, pantomime attending, kids’ parties, teacher gift-buying, work parties and pulling off actual Christmas Day, all piled on top.

It’s A LOT.

It starts with a twinge of nervousness that expands into a balloon of panic. Who have I forgotten? What have I missed? How am I going to fit everything in? Every year I vow to find a better way to navigate the festive waters, so I can actually enjoy Christmas rather than drowning in all its assorted admin.

'On top of all the usual work and family commitments you have present buying, Christmas catch-ups, school fayres, raffle ticket selling, pantomime attending, kids’ parties...'(Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Turns out, though, it’s not just me who flounders through the festive season. End-of-Year Overwhelm is a real thing, and – here’s the good news - there are actually lots of things you can do about it.

My greatest piece of (learned the hard way) advice is just to say no.

Don’t feel obliged to take on tasks you simply don’t have the time, inclination or mental space for. Be realistic about how much you can take on each week, and don’t get guilt-tripped into doing any more than that.

Prioritise where your time goes, and don’t waste energy on other people’s dramas, says Dr Audrey Tang, a chartered member of the British Psychological Society. Constantly solving someone else’s issues can stop you from working on your own, she warns, plus it can make them dependent on you – piling more pressure on your shoulders.

"Ask yourself, is this really my responsibility?" she says. "Try asking, how can I best help you? What are you trying to achieve? You can then more effectively target your actions, while also returning the power back to the person asking."

'Don’t be a Christmas martyr and learn to delegate. It can be hard to relinquish control, but you’re just one person and there are only so many hours in a day'

'Don’t be a Christmas martyr and learn to delegate. It can be hard to relinquish control, but you’re just one person and there are only so many hours in a day'(Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Business stress consultant Carole Spiers, from the Carole Spiers Group, points out this year is possibly more stressful than usual, as, after last year’s festive non-starter, there’s extra pressure to make this one ‘perfect’.

Find calm in the little moments, she says. "Get outside, kick the leaves, watch a sunset," she says. "Appreciate what you’ve got, not what you’d like to have."

She warns that Covid could continue to wreak havoc this Christmas, as different generations may have conflicting views on how to safely celebrate. Older relatives might still be nervous and insist on strict pandemic rules, while younger ones want to waive them completely.

Communicate to avoid any awkward conflict, she says. "Have an open and frank conversation beforehand and find out what people want and expect."

How to cope with the overwhelm

Don’t be a Christmas martyr and learn to delegate. It can be hard to relinquish control, but you’re just one person and there are only so many hours in a day. Let your kids decorate the tree and wrap some presents – the end result might not be perfect, but they’ll love being involved and it will add the charm.
Technology can add to overwhelm. Apparently, phone notifications are specifically designed to spark anxiety, making you feel you HAVE to read them immediately. Remove those sneaky psychological triggers by setting your ‘Do Not Disturb’ in the evening. Out of sight, out of mind.
Never underestimate the power of a great night’s sleep. I used to stay up until the wee hours thinking I was getting ahead for the next day. In reality, I was so tired by then it was taking me hours to complete a 20-minute task. I’ve realised it’s far better to wake refreshed and ready to get stuck into the day, than blearily trudging through it.
An insomnia expert once told to never feel guilty for prioritising sleep, as it’s vital to health and wellbeing. This is where the dark evenings actually help – let your body embrace hibernation mode and soak up those cosy evenings and early nights.

'Enjoy the Nativity play, watch the cheesy Christmas movie, swig a gingerbread latte with your friend; truly relish the little moments'(Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

It’s easy to feel you’re too busy to exercise, but a workout helps me get my thoughts in order so I’m more productive and not chasing my tail all day. If you’re allergic to gyms, try a walk through the woods or some meditation at home (there are loads of great apps to help).
Embrace your failures. So you missed the deadline for the school Christmas card (again). Rather than descending into a panicky pit of self-pity, figure out how to do it better next time round. Set up alerts, stick a Post-It note on the mirror, tie a piece of string around your finger – whatever helps you keep on top of all those life chores.
Start your Christmas shopping early. This might seem obvious, but it’s easy to go into denial about how far away Christmas is, or - more specifically - how many pay days there are before the big day. I used to be a last-minute pressie picker, but now I snap up throughout the year and start shopping in earnest from October. Not only do I save loads of money, but I avoid stress buying when funds are dwindling, and time is swiftly running out.
Try to be present for every part of your jam-packed day. Enjoy the Nativity play, watch the cheesy Christmas movie, swig a gingerbread latte with your friend; truly relish the little moments, THEN turn your thoughts to your bulging inbox.

Dr Tang also reminds of the importance of self-care. "Recognise when you’re enjoying something," she recommends. "Then decide if that activity energises or relaxes you. Choose what you need, when you need it – picking from that list of things you know you enjoy."

Take one step at a time and you won’t feel utterly overwhelmed. Take a deep breath, plan the day ahead, and have yourself a merry little Christmas.

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Mum shares her greatest piece of advice to avoid dreaded 'Christmas overwhelm'