By Brian J. O'Connor
Detroit News Finance Editor

If you skipped German in high school, be glad. It's a tough language to translate.

For example, when Daimler-Benz mounted a $36 billion takeover of Chrysler Corp. in 1998, the German carmaker called it "a merger of equals."

In May, when DaimlerChrysler announced plans to rid itself of Chrysler, the Teutonic term of art was "a $7.4 billion sale."

But a look at the deal shows Cerberus will put most of its money right into Chrysler. Daimler's check is only $1.3billion -- plus it will loan Chrysler money and eat current losses. Bottom line: Daimler actually pays out $673 million in the "sale."

Daimler CEO Dieter Zetsche denied he was paying Cerberus to take Chrysler -- please.

"Cerberus invested $7.4 billion into this transaction, which obviously is not any form of being paid," he told reporters.

So it's nice to hear Chrysler's new owner admit the obvious.

"In essence, they paid us to take the company," Cerberus chief Lenard B. Tessler told his shareholders recently, according to the Wall Street Journal online. "I'm not talking out of school."

Whether school is in or out, class is in session, so achtung ! There are some valuable lessons to be learned here about just how far the auto business has fallen, and just how far the players will go to keep their egos -- as well as their wallets -- intact.

It was hard enough for Zetsche and his board to face the reality that Daimler paid $36 billion for Chrysler while Cerberus was putting up just $7.4 billion. Even if you add the $11 billion in profit Zetsche said Chrysler provided Daimler through the years, that's still a $17.6 billion loss.

The fact that the cadres of biz whizzes behind the deal could have done better just putting the whole pile into savings bonds is, of course, embarrassing to any business executive. So is owning up to the fact that Daimler had so misjudged Chrysler's estimated $18 billion in mounting future pension and health care liabilities that just getting out from under them was payment enough.

But admitting that they weren't going to get any hard cash when the sale closes in July -- just 19.9percent of the new Chrysler --would have been humiliating.

So Dieter slapped on a smile, put up a dowry, then marched his ugly minivan drivin' red-headed stepdaughter down the aisle to be some other guy's problem -- in sickness and in health care.

And ended up smiling all the way to the bank.

From biergartens in the Fatherland to retirement homes in Tucson, holders of DaimlerChrysler stock still are giddily toasting Daimler for dumping Chrysler like a rusty K car.

Shareholders of the ominously named DCX saw a $27 jump in the stock since the Germans parted-out Chrysler to Cerberus. Chrysler was such a Hemi-powered drain that the stock market says Daimler is worth $27.7billion more just to be rid of it.

Which brings us to Cerberus.

Did the private-equity firm acquire a pig in the poke -- or worse, just the parts of the pig that ended up in a dubious sausage that's headed from bad to wurst?

On one hand, it helps Cerberus to have a good-sized price tag on the deal. It gives the firm the cachet of being an obvious big-time player as opposed to, say, its purchase of the Formica Corp.

The pumped-up price tag also signaled to employees, dealers and union leaders that Cerberus paid serious money in a serious bid to fix Chrysler.

Privately, though, Cerberus is likely to point out to suppliers and unions that the firm only towed this junker off Daimler's lawn because they could use the German's own dough. And without some help on health care costs, pensions and other expenses that can put Chrysler back in the black, there are likely to be few -- if any -- buyers the next time around.

So maybe this deal really is win-win. Daimler gets out from under Chrysler and its stock soars. Cerberus gets to pick up a world-famous carmaker at a bargain and gets leverage to cut costs.

What is certain is that it's only fitting that Daimler had to throw in its own cash to make the sale.

After all, Chrysler is the company that invented the rebate.

What a deal

Although Cerberus Capital is putting up $7.4 billion to take control of the Chrysler Group, DaimlerChrysler is out $673 million on the deal.

Cerberus invests $6.055 billion in Chrysler operations
Cerberus pays DaimlerChrysler $1.345 billion
DaimlerChrysler then loans Chrysler Group $404 million
DaimlerChrysler also covers $1.615 billion in Chrysler losses until the deal closes

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Chrysler sale cost DCX $673 million