The Viral Article That Impacted My Mental Health

Going viral isn’t a bed of roses.

A couple months ago, I accomplished something that many people here on Medium aspire to do — I had one of my articles go viral.

I never thought a story about my opinions on American Idol would go viral. It was just a thought spew about a show I loved and how it could do better in terms of diversity. I didn’t take myself too seriously and just wrote it, thinking that probably 20 people would read it and I’d call it a day.

The Winner of American Idol is… Another White Boy With a Guitar

But after I ate dinner the day the story was published, the stats on this story skyrocketed. It was thrilling, watching the numbers climb and seeing the views and reads roll in. At its peak, the article was sitting at number two on Medium’s trending page. It currently has over 134k views and 35k reads.

I was over the moon. Then, the comments started rolling in.

I would like to preface this by saying that I’m an overly sensitive person. I don’t think I have thick skin and perhaps much of what was said about my piece messed with my head. I tend to second-guess any critical opinion and that is the people-pleaser in me.

I received comments about how my article was racist, how I should just shut up and not watch the show. To be fair, I also received valid criticism on aspects on how I had written the article and I edited parts of it in response. Then, random people found my social media profiles and sent me scary messages about my piece.

I’m a woman of colour, so my thoughts instantly jumped to the worst case scenario. I was worried about people finding out where I lived and whether they’d go after me. Thankfully, none of that happened, but it sucks that my thought process even had to go there in the first place.

It made me question whether I should keep writing, if that was the kind of vitriol that existed in the world.

As long as I’ve been on Medium, people here have been nothing but kind and supportive of my work. I’ve made dear friends on this platform and found fellow writers that I admire.

So to see all of this negativity flooding my inbox and comment section (mostly from external readers and non-members from off this platform) shocked my system. I began dreading when I received notifications for this piece as I knew it likely wouldn’t be good. I stopped responding to comments as it began affecting my mental health, and blocked people who tried messaged me off of Medium. I ultimately had to stop allowing comments on the piece for the sake of my own mental health.

It’s taken me awhile to write about this, because I worried that I would sound like a whiner. I could hear the inner critics in my head mocking me: “Oh poor you, you had a story go viral and people disagreed with you? What’s all the fuss about? You should’ve expected some pushback, putting your words out on the Internet on a race-related issue.”

But my experience is mine and mine alone. Perhaps others could handle those comments and messages better than I did. Perhaps I am being overly sensitive and paranoid. I’m me, after all.

Before this happened, I was an open book on this site. I shared aspects about my life openly and even had photos of myself on my stories. Now, I’m more cautious. This is the story that caused my retreat into anonymity.

As a writer, I knew I had to be vulnerable in order to let my best work show. I had to be true to myself and expose the parts of me that people wouldn’t necessarily agree with. It’s hard to pour your heart out and have it returned to you in a million pieces.

I am content to fade into obscurity again, despite all the advice and pizazz around going viral. Fifteen minutes of fame isn’t worth the long-term emotional damage.

More about my overly sensitive soul:

Don’t Be So Sensitive

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