Adulting is hard and we’re trying our best.
After exchanging over 100 text messages in a conversation with my friends, I was dubbed the “only real adult” of this group.
I was given this title because I’m the only person in this group of friends (we’re all in our twenties) who has purchased a home and is engaged to their partner. With these two milestones, I was branded a “real adult”.
“Adulting” is a term used among millennials and Gen-Z to describe being responsible, successful, and put-together. If you’re “adulting”, you’re winning at life and you’ve made it. You’re not an irresponsible, hungover hot mess anymore.
While I’m flattered that I have this reputation among my friends, I also can’t help but feel like I’m being put on a pedestal. I wouldn’t say any one of them is less of an adult than I am. There is still value in finding the career path you want to pursue, in dating people until you find the right person to spend your life with, in traveling before making a down payment on a house.
Since when did a person’s ability to play the rules of society’s success game quantify their standing as a “real adult”?
When did self-discovery and being a bit lost in life become shameful? Comparison is so rampant among my generation. Our parents compare us to other people’s kids. We compare ourselves to the third engagement or pregnancy announcement we see as we’re scrolling through our Instagram feed. We wonder if we’re actually moving forward or perpetually stuck on a treadmill trying to make something of ourselves.
I know so many people look back on their twenties as the time when they made stupid decisions, but I’m sure those stupid decisions were made for a reason. That nasty hangover from partying until four in the morning hits different when you’re twenty versus twenty-nine, when you need five days of napping to recover. You learn not to drink until you black out and discover the joy of a night in cuddling with your dog, and voilà, you’re slightly less stupid than you were before!
While I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished in life, I didn’t get to bypass those moments of uncertainty and fear. I don’t think I have it all together and I know there will be more curveballs thrown my way.
There is no thought that is more pervasive than the fear that you won’t be enough. It seeps into every crevice of your brain, worming its way into every decision you make, every step you move forward in. The constant battle of trying to be true to yourself and the desire to please the people you love most is exhausting.
We should celebrate those times of uncertainty for the moments of growth that they are. We may not know where we’re going yet, but that specific snippet of time will help us get there.
Besides, everyone knows that the marker of being a real adult is the ability to eat ice cream whenever and wherever you want.
More life stuff from this twenty-something who is navigating this “adulting” thing:
What I've Learned From Life School
39 stories
Join Medium with my referral link - Bernice P.
If you like my work, consider supporting me and other writers with a Medium membership. You'll get full access to every…
medium.com