Kate Taylor

Award-winning freelance writer specialising in dating, relationships and sex 💋

Nov 16, 2021
Published on: The Sun
2 min read

THINKING of doing the dirty on your partner?

Love guru Kate Taylor reveals how to steer clear and keep your relationship intact.

Try these top tips if you're tempted to stray
Try these top tips if you're tempted to stray Credit: Getty

Play mind games

YOUR desire to cheat might be all in your mind – literally.

Our self-control is managed by the part of our brain known as the prefrontal cortex. It helps us control our impulses and make sensible decisions, like resisting a sexy co-worker.

But when it’s low in activity, it can lead to recklessness.

Low activity in the prefrontal cortex is one of the hallmarks of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and research found 40 per cent of people with that condition have had at least one affair.

To strengthen your prefrontal cortex, try word games, puzzles or studying languages or maths. The more you do, the better you’ll resist urges. Plus, the less sexy you’ll be, sitting there hunched over your sudoku.

The more powerful you are, the more likely you are to cheat
The more powerful you are, the more likely you are to cheat Credit: Getty

Avoid promotion

THE more powerful you are at work, the more likely you are to cheat.

Successful executives high up in their companies are more likely to do the dirty on their partner than employees further down the hierarchy, according to a Dutch study of more than 1,500 professionals.

This was true for men and women. It’s not due to infidelity-boosting perks like business travel and hotel stays – it’s all down to an inflated feeling of importance.

Psychologist Joris Lammers explained: “Power increases confidence in the ability to attract partners.”

Play snake

MODERN smartphones make it way too easy to cheat – you can conceal your double life by using a second SIM and you can store sexy snaps in the Cloud.

Dating apps are one furtive click away too, and facial recognition will stop your partner snooping on your device.

Help yourself stay on the straight and narrow by swapping your secretive smartphone for a low-tech mobile whose only thrill is a game of Snake.

Try the Nokia 3310 (£49.99, Carphone Warehouse). Having to press the 7 key four times to type the letter S will take all the fun out of sexting.

Turn to religion

THE saying “birds of a feather flock together” is true.

If everyone you know is playing about behind their partner’s back, it is more likely you will follow suit.

Humans use “social comparison” as a way to keep their behaviour within accepted limits.

If you surround yourself with unfaithful friends, or if your parents cheated or you follow celebrities who have been caught out in multiple affairs, you are more likely to believe infidelity is the norm.

Swap these bad influences for people less likely to cheat.

Married people and religious types have the lowest levels of infidelity, according to research.

So say yes to every wedding invitation.

Experiment with a threesome if you're looking for variety
Experiment with a threesome if you're looking for variety Credit: Shutterstock

Try a threesome

DON’T try to satisfy your urge for variety by watching porn – it could increase your temptation to stray.

A study in academic journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found the more a man watched porn, the more likely he was to cheat.

Women aren’t safe either. Research by the University of Oklahoma found that women who watched porn were three times as likely to get divorced as others.

The reasons were the same: Porn puts our brains in “sweet-shop” mode, where we mistakenly believe we have unlimited opportunities for real-life, satisfying sex.

If you’re dying for variety, having a threesome or experimenting with swinging within your relationship is much safer.

Get real

YOU’RE probably picturing endless sex and a happily ever after with your new squeeze, right?

But only 50 per cent of affairs actually include full sex, according to a 2020 study in the Journal Of Sex & Marital Therapy.

Most of the action is just kissing (87 per cent) or cuddling (73 per cent). Only 11 per cent of affairs lead to relation-ships, and 49 per cent of cheats end up staying with their original partners.

Run for it

HIGH levels of testosterone in men and women have been linked with the desire to stray.

While testosterone levels fluctuate through your lifetime, certain things increase it, such as weight-training, HIIT and a diet high in eggs, shellfish and red meat. To temper testosterone, take up endurance challenges such as long-distance running or cycling. Or eat more soy and liquorice and drink peppermint tea.

If you're desperate to stir things up, take a look deeper
If you're desperate to stir things up, take a look deeper Credit: Shutterstock

Reinvent yourself

INFIDELITY is just a way to change your self-image, believes Esther Perel, author of The State Of Affairs.

She says: “When we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t our partner we are turning away from, but the person we have become.

“We are not looking for another lover so much as another version of ourselves.”

Does that ring true? If you don’t like the current version of you, shake things up.

Retrain for a new career or book a free personal shopper and reinvent your wardrobe.

Restart an old hobby or throw yourself into a new one. If you don’t know what to change, ask yourself what it is you most envy about others. That’s what you feel you lack, so start there.

Swap for a smaller sofa

DO all you can to increase the amount of close physical touch you have with your partner.

Every time couples touch, hug or cuddle, they release oxytocin, the powerful bonding hormone that increases feelings of trust and affection.

If your furniture is too big – separate sofas, a giant king-size bed – it’s easy to stop touching. But when you are snuggled up you’ll start to produce plenty of those feel-good hormones.

Our relationship expert recommends a month of ­marriage-saving movie nights
Our relationship expert recommends a month of marriage-saving movie nights Credit: Getty

Watch a film together

ACCORDING to that 2020 study in the Journal Of Sex & Marital Therapy, one of the top reasons for cheating is feeling neglected or disconnected from a partner.

If that’s you, try a month of marriage-saving movie nights, as suggested by experts at Rochester University in Michigan.

They found that couples who had one film night a week for a month, watching and discussing one of their 47 recommended movies, halved their likelihood of splitting.

I discovered my husband was cheating after my daughter used the family iPad – but I won’t leave him