Free Martha Stewart,
and let’s get cooking
By GRAHAM OSTEEN
Editor and Publisher
I don’t like the way the national press is ganging up on my girl Martha Stewart.
Ever since that whole ImClone mess started, Martha has been the target of an inordinate amount of criticism. She had a statement on her web site Thursday afternoon that spelled out her position on the insider trading charges:
After more than a year, the government has decided to bring charges against me for matters that are personal and entirely unrelated to the business of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia. I want you to know that I am innocent – and that I will fight to clear my name.
I simply returned a call from my stockbroker. Based in large part on prior discussions with my broker about price, I authorized a sale of my remaining shares in a biotech company called ImClone. I later denied any wrongdoing in public statements and in voluntary interviews with prosecutors. The government's attempt to criminalize these actions makes no sense to me.
I am confident I will be exonerated of these baseless charges, but a trial unfortunately won't take place for months. I want to thank you for your extraordinary support during the past year – I appreciate it more than you will ever know.
I’m with you all the way, Martha baby.
Plenty of people hate Martha for one reason or another, but I’ve always liked her. She can cook like a demon, fix things, throw great parties of all sizes, maintain complex gardens, build additions to houses, plant trees and make her own thank-you notes.
I wouldn’t want to be married to her because she’s probably a little too bossy around the house, but I think she’d be a great neighbor, especially when it comes to borrowing stuff.
In South Carolina, for example, it’s important to be able to count on your neighbors for “Sunday Beer” because of the Blue Laws. With Martha as a neighbor, you could expect a “Sunday Beer Party,” complete with great appetizers like Chickpea Pimento Crostini; main courses such as Beef Bourguignon; and simple desserts like Carrot Ginger Layer Cake with Orange Cream Cheese Frosting. Of course you would always have colorful themes, seasonal bouquets and lots of other “good things” to make the occasion special. Borrowing Sunday beer would be great if Martha lived next door.
The reason so many people in the media loath her is because she makes them feel inferior. They’re insecure in their ability to whip up a quick Chicken and Apricot Stew with Couscous, or make a sturdy Rope-Seat Stool out of a plain pair of wooden seats and a strand of durable rock-climbing rope. By the way, the tightly braided nylon rope is water- and stain-resistant, making it ideal for lunch at the kitchen counter or a barbecue by the pool. But all those jaded jealous journalists are too busy bashing Martha to even notice.
Good luck Martha, and don’t forget me when you throw your “Beat the Rap” dinner party.