January 09, 2023

Article at Ashleigh on Authory

Goals and Resolutions: Creating A Plan to Actually Make Shit Happen

This is for me, is one of the most exciting times of the year. Not just because I'm a huge fan of Christmas movies, holiday songs, and all that jazz, but, because it is a time where for the most part, my family, clients, friends, and even random people on the street seem to be filled with hope, happiness, and this desire for more. It’s a time where you actually feel you can have the things you've always wanted while being the most reflective.

I know for me sitting in the therapist chair it's a different experience around the holidays. People are really more reflective of what the last year has brought to them, what they have been able to achieve, and what goals they've been able to make. I’m sure you’ve thought about areas of your life you feel are the same or have been the same year after year, and I see the same thing happening on Facebook, IG, and Twitter. People are just a lot more reflective. At the same time there is a desire for more that makes people ready to do work. I think it’s great when I see you talking about your 2020 vision. I think it’s great that you have this vision implanted so firmly in their minds you’re ready to grab all the magazines in your house, some gitter, glue, a poster board to make sure you caption that vision you have in your mind on a vision board so you can work on bringing it to life in the new year. And the therapist in me loves it but you know what? So much of it is based in emotions and

1. Feelings aren't Facts
2. Feelings are Fleeting

Feelings do not last forever, they do not stay and wait for you to get ready to do shit. Emotions come and go, they're not there to play you forever. When you're sad and I say feelings are fleeting that makes you feel better, but when you're happy and I say it, not so much right? But, I want to say feelings are fleeting because you are in the mindset of hope, happiness, desire, and all these feel good feelings just moseying along. You think you can create the life you want from your feelings alone and you can't. You can't because feelings are fleeting, and the next thing comes and you get distracted, and your emotions are taking in new data all the time which means the things that were at the forefront that got you feeling hopeful and happy, they move on. They move on whether or not you made plans, and as much as I love that you are into the emotions of it all, feeling all the feels, at the end of the day planning takes work. It takes a little bit more than just what you’re feeling at any time of day.

When you’re trying to do more than just make another New Year's resolution and actually create a New Year's plan of action IT TAKES WORK. My Black people, we are tired. You may have the desire and hope for the future, but many of us, including you, are drained because we do too much and we plan too much as is. You see so much and have so much to do on a regular basis that by the time you get home, you're tired. It's easy to be hopeful and desired filled during the holiday season when you're not going to work quite regularly. When you're taking days off which gives you more time to be reflective. During this time you might even get slightly bored which is why you're usually in your mind and your feelings a little bit more, because you have the time. But that doesn't last, because at some point you pick up and go again and you leave behind the feel good emotions you once had. Often times when you get back into the swing of your schedules you start feeling discouraged and you just stop. You put so many plans on your minds and plates, which usually includes

"I need to lose weight"
"I need to do better by me in general"
"I'm going to start going to therapy"
“I’m going to start my own business”

I mean you are making monetary goals and every other goal you can think of, telling yourself you are going to start working towards them come Jan 1 because you feel hope and a sense of urgency, but then you feel overwhelmed and done. You see the problem there? Emotions are still ruling you, they're just ruling you in a different way. Where before you had desire, hope, and happiness, now you're feeling discouraged, overwhelmed, and overworked. And at the end of the day it's dictating what you do and what you won't do. So, let's talk about how you stay on track.

1. Write About What You Want and Keep it Visible

The hardest thing to do is keep something at the forefront of your mind when you're not constantly being reminded of that thing. So how do you keep it visible? It's entirely up to you, but one of my good friends Dr. Ajita Robinson has chalkboards all over her house about the things that she wants. And she is able to look at it while she is getting ready in the morning or brushing her teeth before bed. For me, I like to put mine on the fridge because the kitchen is where I live my life! I write out my goals to make sure they stay in the front of my mind. I need to see it all the time to be reminded to work towards it. When you write it out it becomes more of a goal and it becomes a little more viable because it's in your vision all the time.

2. Know Your Why --Beyond the Money

Like I said, often times we make money goals, but money is a tool. So if your goal is to have money you can hoard in your bank account, but you're not thinking about what you actually want to use the money for, then money is probably not enough to sustain you. So, I want you to think beyond "I want money just to have money" and really get into the space of why you want money. What will this money do for you? How will you use it? This is something that I got from a retreat I went on last month called Orgasm: For the Sexualty professional to get some business advice.

I want to give a shout out to Dalychia Saah and Shadeen Francis, because they rocked it out like they do every year, and I want to make sure people know about them.

Knowing your why beyond money is going to help keep you on track. And I would add that you should write out your why. When you write your goal to make it visible remember what your why is so you can also be constantly reminded why this particular goal is so important to you.

3. Keep Things Accountable With a Tribe of Like Minded People

Now I know that everybody wants to move like the G in lasagna, you know, move in silence. But real Gs don't move in silence. They actually tell select people, who they have chosen because of who they are and what they know about them, to help hold them accountable. For me, I have two accountability groups with some dope ass divas who help keep my ass on track. We meet regularly to talk about where we are with our goals. Every morning I tell them what I'm doing, and I check in with them in the evening to tell them if I did what I said I was going to do. This is how you stay accountable. Now what that looks like if you decided to work with is me is, I stalk you! It sounds bad I know, but I stalk you a little bit because you sometimes need a little bit of stalking. You’ll be in a private accountability group where we are constantly talking about what we are doing today to make our dreams come true. We're checking in, and even if you don't check in with me because I know that sometimes you're not ready to take that initiative. Don't worry, I have that initiative and I'll check in with you because I want to know what's going on.

4. Now here's a bonus, and I'm not trying to sell you on shit because you can make this happen with or without me. But, I need you to become a goal digger. Now being a goal digger does not necessarily mean you take my webinar and join my crew, it means you work on these 3 things I've just talked about and put in the work towards achieving your goals. Even if you choose not to take my webinar, there are other webinars out there. There are checklists, there are people on Youtube. Find out what tools and resources resonate with you and go forth and do it. Invest in yourself because investing in yourself is an investment in your future and living your absolute best life. So, you don't have to choose me, I just want you to choose something.

I want to make sure you are making plans beyond your feelings, because like I said feelings are fleeting and they will leave your ass high and dry in the middle of the work you're trying to do and you need more than your feelings to go off of.

So go off in the comments ya'll. What else would you say helps you stay on track with your goals and making sure that you actually meet those goals and resolutions? How can you use this time when we are filled with hope, happiness, and desire to make even BETTER plans that will help to sustain us until the end of 2020 and not just to the end of January, so you can see you vision become a reality?